I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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