I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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