Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
