why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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