Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
