I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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