I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
