jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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