You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
