Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
