Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
