maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I could fuck to npr.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
