the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
