If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize