yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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