According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
