a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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