just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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