Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
