the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
