Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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