Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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