Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize