Will you blow on my dice?
4 words: hood of his car
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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