craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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