Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
