Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
