I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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