??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
