Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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