Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Text me some of your sweat
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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