make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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