come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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