If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
