D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
