"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
