the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
