if i can run in heels then i can drive
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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