I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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