My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
