I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
