Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
