If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
