He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
