Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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