there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
