did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize