He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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