Dual....:-)
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
