His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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