I can text with my tongue
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize