last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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