Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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