what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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