woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
