Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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