shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
