remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
