how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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