Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
