I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
