Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
