How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
