small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're too hungover to prance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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