did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
