So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
