I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
