Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
