Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
