i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
