then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
