im having a threesome with these popsicles
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
